I’ve been told that time heals all wounds and in part, I would have to agree…
I fell in love with you the first day I met you…before you were Sam. That day, time stood still, as the memory of you was etched apon my heart.
You weren’t a wrinkled, pink new born, but a silent, almost two year old. I wish time could whisper in my ear the things you saw before you were Sam. The food you ate -or didn’t. I wish I knew why you didn’t have any teeth and how you got the hairless scar and the back of your head and the tiny hole beside your left ear…
I wonder why you will fight “to the death” for one you trust. I would like to believe that it’s because God has made you to be a loyal and fierce protector of your family, but my mind tells me it’s because you knew violence before you were Sam. My mind tells me that hands were not gentle and voices were angry.
I wonder why, despite where you came from, you have learned to love. You are a fierce lover of your brothers and a faithful helper to one in need. Why? Perhaps, the care of a foster mom? The tender touch of a social worker? Despite the life you had before Sam, someone made the choice to comfort you. Maybe someone held you close when you were hurt? Possibly, someone’s gentle touch showed you that there is kindness. Perhaps those that taught you to fight could also teach you to love? These things that I wonder about, I will never know because time has no voice.
You are my third baby, but my first to not know the sound of my heartbeat from the inside. Your heart has had to learn to be in sync with mine. You’ve had to learn the sound of my voice and you’ve had to learn to trust my touch. With God’s grace, time has been a healer…time has been a faithful guardian of your sweet spirit.
Though there is so much that I missed before you were Sam, I’m grateful that The Giver of Time has given me today, to celebrate you. I’m grateful that I was chosen to be your mom. The years will continue to sneak by, but one thing I can promise, for sure, time will tell you that you are cared for, safe and loved…so very much.
Happy Birthday, Sweet Smiling Sam I’m so grateful that time has brought you to me!
Genesis 50:19-20 But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for a good in order to bring about this present result…”